It's the internet sensation of the moment! "AmIHotOrNot.com", the brainchild of a couple of sad American gits, allows members of the public to put up a flattering picture and let their fellow citizens score them out of ten! It's simple yet ingenious and oddly addictive. As such it appealed to me like you wouldn't know.

The results then...

First I submitted this picture, which shows me at my most relaxed. Sporting a half-smile, I am squinting severly as I am facing into the sun. It's debatable how representative this picture is, but still... Result: 8 "You are hotter than 77% of men on this site! A total of 330 people rated you."
Then I put up this recent portrait of me against the Tenerifian skyline. This one looks a bit more like me, except that I am poncing around. Result: 9.2 "You are hotter than 90% of men on this site! A total of 265 people rated you."
Then, just for shits and giggles, this 1998 effort of "me, much-pissed, with bear". Result: 7.3 "You are hotter than 69% of men on this site! A total of 305 people rated you."
Didn't bother again for about a year, during which time the site changed its name from "amihotornot.com" to simply "hotornot.com". Tried again with the latest picture of me in Virginia Woolf's old garden and got my best mark yet... Result: 9.4 "You are hotter than 93% of men on this site! A total of 147 people rated you."

In conclusion I'd like to point out (for the sake of anyone who, like Adrian Mulhall, might not get the irony of this page) that I don't believe a word of this. I am quite well aware that I'm not better looking than 93% of men; 33 years of looking the way I do have drilled this fact into me.